


In which karkat loses his shit. again. like always

by Ultimatum



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Memo, Pesterlog, karkats insults, that deserves a tag on its own, what babies :)))
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-08
Updated: 2015-05-08
Packaged: 2018-03-29 06:49:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3886417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ultimatum/pseuds/Ultimatum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>CCG RIGHT NOW opened memo on board FUCK ALL OF YOU.<br/>(alternatively titled: karkat's romance novels are missing. believing they have been stolen, he flips his shit)</p>
            </blockquote>





	In which karkat loses his shit. again. like always

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is asexualls if u wanna contact me & hope you enjoy lol

CCG RIGHT NOW opened memo on board FUCK ALL OF YOU.

CCG: SO, WHICH ONE OF YOU VALIANT DOUCHE-SHITTING PISSFUCKS IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?  
CCG: IF YOU FESS UP NOW I MAY NOT FEEL AS INCLINED TO BOOT YOUR ASS OFF THIS METEOR WHEN I FIND OUT WHO YOU ARE. BECAUSE I WILL. KICK YOU OFF THE METEOR, I MEAN. AND FIND YOU; YOU BET YOUR FECULENT DICKSHITTING ASSHOLE I'M GOING TO FUCKING FIND YOU IF YOU DON'T CONFESS.  
CCG: AND ON THAT NOTE, I HOPE YOU FEEL ASHAMED OF YOURSELF RIGHT NOW, PERPETRATOR OF THIS MOST GRIEVOUS CRIME. I HOPE YOU FEEL DOWN-RIGHT AWFUL FOR DOING THIS TO ME, YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD TROLL SAMARITAN. I TRULY HOPE, WITH ALL OF MY HEART, THAT YOU'RE SITTING BY YOUR HUSKTOP WITH YOUR CRANIAL PLATES PRACTICALLY IN FRAGMENTS, WORRY PLAGUING YOUR THUMPING CHEST SACK AND TEARS SOAKING YOUR SIMPLE BOOK-SNATCHING LOW-LIFE FACE. IN FEAR OF ME FINDING YOU. OF FINDING YOU AND GIVING YOU A PIECE OF MY MIND.  
CCG: SO, IS ANYONE GOING TO ANSWER ME? IS ANYONE GOING TO STEP UP TO PLATE AND TAKE NOT ONLY THIS HEAVY TEXT ANNIHILATION BUT ALSO THE FULL BLAME AND RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR DICKSQUATTING ACTIONS?  
CURRENT turntechGodhead [CTG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CTG: oh my god dude chill  
CTG: i mean really why did you make a memo for this and why did you feel the need to scream out to the void about some missing books  
CTG: no ones going to answer fuckbag  
CTG: p much everyone is doing their own thing remember? kanaya and rose are off being the fraudulent gays they are idk  
CTG: vriska and tez are just being them i guess probably off pillaging can town or something equally vriska-esque and just having a generally good time bein them  
CTG: and i dont even want to know where the antichrist clown is  
CTG: maybe locked in a cupboard somewhere idk that would probably be for the best  
CCG: DAVE SHUT YOUR DIRTY, IGNORANT MOUTH HOLE. DIDN'T YOUR WEIRD HUMAN-LUSUS EVER TELL YOU NOT TO SPEAK IF YOU HAVE NOTHING POSITIVE TO CONTRIBUTE TO A CONVERSATION??? BECAUSE AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, ALL I'M HEARING RIGHT NOW IS "BLA BLA BLA, KARKAT I HAVE NO GRASP ON THE IMPORTANCE OF YOUR NOVELS AND I'M A GENERAL ALL-AROUND SPLOOGEWAD." SO SHUT UP.  
CTG: man if youd just keep your chill for like five seconds  
CTG: i s2g  
CTG: i was going to say that you probably just misplaced them or flushed them down the toilet or something  
CTG: maybe you left them somewhere way to go and criminalize everyone on the meteor like some giant god of douchebaggery  
CTG: gazing down angrily at the people on earth below and throwing shit at them like a 4 y/o  
CTG: a 4 y/o who just discovered that he could in fact be the greatest douchebag to ever exist in all of paradox space and takes on the role with fervor and zest  
CCG: I DID NOT "MISPLACE" THEM, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? WHO DO YOU THINK I AM?????  
CTG: did you check the pile that vriska and tez put together when they were dishing out their pale no romo shit earlier? i mean they were snatchin up everything they could find in range of their grubby little troll hands  
CTG: i mean they took my cape for that shit  
CTG: my cape  
CTG: never before has something so evil been done do someone so kind  
CTG: my cape is like my child and i? i am his mother  
CTG: my small baby that has not yet found his place in the world  
CTG: that is my cape  
CTG: he floats through air without a care  
CTG: always there you better fucking prepare  
CTG: but snap that guy doesnt know why he exists  
CTG: existential crisis up in this bitch  
CTG: so yeah i guess im just like  
CTG: saying you should check on that  
CCG: WERE YOU FUCKING RAPPING IN *MY* MEMO ? NO. THAT IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED BY THE RULE I JUST MADE UP: NO FUCKING RAPPING, YOU SOUND LIKE AN IDIOT.  
CTG: just go fucking check donghole  
CCG: UGH. FINE. BUT IT'S NOT GOING TO BE THERE.  
CTG: ... karkat its been ten minutes are you back yet this meteor isnt that fucking big and youre literally like less than a minute away from your kneeslapping shitsticking destination   
CTG: if you arent back in 5 seconds ill go and find you myself so i can make fun of you to your face  
CTG: 5  
CTG: 4  
CTG: 3...  
CTG: 2 1/2  
CCG: ...  
CTG: oh look the hero has returned  
CTG: so whats the verdict  
CTG: you find your dumb angsty romance novels?  
CCG: SHOVE THE HELL OFF, STRIDER.  
CCG banned CTG from responding to memo.  
CCG unbanned CTG from responding to memo.  
CCG: ALRIGHT SORRY, THAT WAS A BIT RUDE OF ME.  
CCG: AND YES, I FOUND THE BOOKS. BUT MAKE FUN OF ME FOR EVEN THE SHORTEST SECOND AND I'M BANNING YOU FROM THIS MEMO AND BANISHING YOU TO TROLL HELL, WHERE YOU'D BELONG FOR TRYING TO BESMIRCH MY GOOD, WHOLESOME NAME. THE NAME OF A SOULFUL MAN, A WORTHY ONE.  
CTG: i get it youre embarrassed its chill  
CTG: ok since your whiny tantrum is over  
CTG: what do we do now colonel nipple-twister?? now that youve found your shitty teenage troll romance novels this memo is easily the most useless things youve created in the history of all creation  
CTG: and you basically made humans which is really saying something about the worth of this chat   
CCG: HEY ASSHOLE! GUESS WHAT? FUCK YOU TOO.  
CTG: anytime bro  
CTG: i mean ngl i wouldnt mind that at all  
CTG: send a dick hurricane my way kark  
CTG: fill me with succulent alien dong and ill call you daddy if you want too  
CCG banned CTG from responding to memo.  
CCG rebanned CTG from responding to memo.  
CCG: YEAH OKAY FUCK OFF. NO MORE OUT OF YOU, STRIDER. YOU'RE DOUBLE BANNED FROM CONTRIBUTING TO THIS.  
CCG: ACTUALLY  
CCG TRIPLE banned CTG from responding to memo.  
CCG: NOW YOU'RE *TRIPLE* BANNED. HOW ABOUT THEM APPLES, GRUBFUCKING NIMSHIT?  
CCG: SO LONG, BYE-BYE. AND TO ANYONE WHO SAW THIS MEMO AND CHOSE NOT TO REPLY FOR ANY GOD FORSAKEN FUCKING REASON, PRETEND YOU SAW NOTHING.  
CCG: IF ANYONE ASKS YOU OF THIS SINGLE CONVERSATION, YOUR REPLY SHALL BE ONE OF CONFUSION, ONE OF DISORDER. "WHAT MEMO?" YOU WILL ASK, PLAGUED BY YOUR OWN INABILITY TO REMEMBER. BECAUSE YOU WILL HAVE FORGOTTEN THE ENTIRE BASIS OF THIS, THE CONTENTS OF THIS, AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN THAT YOUR UNPALATABLE GLANCE NUGGETS HAPPENED TO SPOT.  
CCG: YOU WILL NOT RECALL ME ACTING LIKE A TOTAL TOOL, YOU WILL NOT RECALL ANY OF THE NAUSEATING EXCHANGE BETWEEN OUR DARLINGGGG DAVE AND I.  
CCG: GOT IT?  
CURRENT gallowsCalibrator [CGC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CGC: OH K4RK4T YOU POOR 4NGRY L1TTL3 M4N  
CGC: 1F 1 H4D KNOWN YOUD B3 SO D1STR4UGHT 4BOUT YOUR M1SS1NG ROM4NC3 NOV3LS 1 SUR3LY WOULD H4V3 THOUGHT OTH3RW1S3 4BOUT T4K1NG TH3M FOR TH3 P1L3 >;O  
CCG: THAT IS A DIRTY LITTLE LIE, PYROPE.  
CGC: R1GHT YOU 4R3!  
CGC: 1 CHOOS3 TO B3 4 "L1V3 1N TH3 MOM3NT" TYPE OF G4L 4ND THOS3 TOM3S OF ROM4NC3 SM3LL3D D3L1C1OUS  
CCG banned CGC from responding to memo.  
CCG: YEAH FINE JUST FUCKING IGNORE THE PART WHERE I SAID "DON'T RESPOND", WHY DON'T YOU.  
CCG: ANYONE ELSE HAVE SOMETHING MEANINGLESS TO ADD??  
CURRENT arachnidsGrip [CAG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CAG: ;))))))))  
CCG banned CAG from responding to memo.  
CCG: NOT FROM YOU!  
CCG: OKAY. YOU KNOW WHAT???????  
CCG: I'M DONE. I GIVE UP. I HAVE MY BOOKS BACK, SO LONG FUCKCRUMPETS.  
CCG closed memo


End file.
